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1.
There’s only one way / She gets around She uses public transportation The Belmont bus / Goes by her house She uses public transportation Don’t take a taxi / Don’t ride a bike She uses public transportation Don’t own a car / Cuz what she likes Is using public transportation She don’t call the bus “the shame train” No complaints about the L In this city no one needs a car Cuz the CTA is really swell And I don’t mind / If she’s delayed She uses public transportation And she don’t mind / If I’m delayed Cuz I use public transportation, too She don’t call the bus “the shame train” No complaints about the L In this city no one needs a car Cuz the CTA is really swell ...The CTA is really swell And when it’s freezing / And when it’s warm She uses public transportation And when it’s sunny / And when it storms She uses public transportation Ba-dop, ba-dop, bop! Ba-dop, ba-dop She uses public transportation Ba-dop, ba-dop, bop! Ba-dop, ba-dop She uses public transportation
2.
I wasn't even cautious...I just dove right in It didn't seem such a bad idea when I thought of it But the way that I was gagging...I thought that I'd throw up When I used my ex-girlfriend's toothbrush (solo) Ever since we broke up...it has sat untouched We shared a lot of fluids...so it shouldn't matter much I had it if she came back...it'd been over a month When I used my ex-girlfriend's toothbrush
3.
For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes For every vacant smile / There are irritated sighs For every bubbly comment / There are cynical replies And for every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes No one cares you’re married / No one cares you got engaged Neither of you questioning / the future or your age Diamonds and white dresses / plaster every profile page We all think you’re crazy / but at least you’re gettin' laid For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes You’re dancing on the backs of broken-hearted girls and guys When it doesn’t work out we’ll pretend to act surprised For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes You can call it pregnant / We call it knocked up You can say you love each other / That just means you’re stuck We live in the city / Where we couldn’t give a f*** And you live in the suburbs / Where it’s either... For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes When you flaunt that s*** on Facebook / Know you truly are despised But we all keep our silence hoping you will realize That for every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes Now you’re having problems / We don’t f***ing care Pester us on G-Chat / Saying life just isn’t fair Twenty screaming toddlers / And a spouse who’s never there So don’t ask how we really feel / Cuz it sounds like a dare For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes The only two oblivious to one another’s lies You really thought you’d be together til one of you died? HA! For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes For every happy couple / There’s a hundred rolling eyes
4.
Won'tcha slide on over here witcha big ol’ blubber butt Won'tcha slide on over here witcha big ol’ blubber butt From your whiskers to your flippers From your tail to your tusks You’re the only walrus I could ever love
5.
The following is a public service announcement…for men: Gentleman! It’s time to make a switch I know that I’m not normally this blunt But if you are a man...Then these words are hereby banned(!): One rhymes with pitch / And the other rhymes with bunt You might be mad at him or her / But, please, avoid the sexist words.....Oh! You can call anyone an a****** You can call anyone a jerk You can call ‘em “moron” or even “idiot” You can call ‘em “butthead” or a “worthless piece of s***” And you can call anyone an a****** Sirs!...I’ve a feeling in my gut Much like the one I just expressed before If there’s a gender feud Please hold the attitude Don’t call her words…that rhyme with shut or door Let’s all work as a team to say the words we really mean.....Oh! You can call anyone an a****** You can call anyone a jerk You can call ‘em “moron” or even “idiot” You can call ‘em “butthead” or a “worthless piece of s***” And you can call anyone an a****** You might think it’s wrong / Dunnit worry! Sing along!.....Oh! You can call anyone an a****** You can call anyone a jerk You can call ‘em “moron” or even “idiot” You can call ‘em “butthead” or a “worthless piece of s***” And you can call anyone an a******
6.
If you died, the thing I’d miss Wouldn’t be your tender kiss No, the single, biggest hole Would be the hand I couldn’t hold I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you-you-you Take this appendage to the grave I only need one hand to wave! I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you If I died, just one request It’s your hand I love the best So chop it off, it’s mine to claim Because I swear I’d do…the…same I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you-you-you I swear I only need the one I’d give four fingers and a thumb! I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you Our love would be intact forever When both our hands stay clasped together You’d be gone, but I’d think of you often There’d always be a part of me…in your coffin I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with you-you-you Wedding rings are tried and true But you gave your hand in marriage, too! I’d…chop my hand off just to stay with Chop my hand off just to stay with Chop my hand off just to stay with you
7.
She's been crying She's been trying so hard but she's got to admit her hope is dying So she's been crying She's been coping She's been moping and telling her mother that she thinks her daughter's broken But she's been coping She's been dreaming of someone, someone who's bald She's been craving some talons, a dick and two balls (She needs a...) Penis with the wings of an eagle Red and blue and white He's a willy with wings...He has feathers and things To make a woman feel all right Penis with the wings of an eagle Can make her loins take flight He has patriot parts That will open her heart And in all likelihood her thighs She's been dating She's been waiting for someone better than the men she's been fellating Yeah, she's been waiting She's been praying She's been saving herself for the loving of a certain type of avian Yeah, she's been praying She will not abide any flightless dicks Cuz she doesn’t have time for penguin pricks (Mama told her that a...) Penis with the wings of an eagle Is the one she's hoping for He is downy and soft But he likes playing rough Cuz he's just come back from war Penis with the wings of an eagle Is tattooed with stars and stripes He's a phallus with feathers And they'll be together For the best night of her life And one steamy evening, her wish came true Cross your fingers and toes and he might come for you He only cares if your willing...not if your cute And he's got a flagpole you'll wanna salute (solo) Penis with the wings of an eagle Is soaring through the sky So don't be a bimbo ... Baby, open your window And he'll visit you tonight Penis with the wings of an eagle Wiener warrior of the night I hate to be blunt But he's been fighting for country You should f*** him to be nice Penis with the wings of an eagle Killed a terrorist with his dong You should get on your knees...cuz he's free of disease...

about

For the first time, a collection from Brad Bru that is purely fun and funny songs! This collection bounces around genres from singalongs like "She Uses Public Transportation" and "PSA: Watch Your Language" (AKA "You can call anyone an a******"), to the scathing punk of "Status Update This, Jerks!!", to the sweet soulful lovin' of "Walrus Love Song", to the cautionary tale "Some Things Do Not Belong in Our Mouths", to the forgotten standard "Chop My Hand Off", to the Meatloaf-esque bombast of "The Wings of an Eagle".

credits

released July 6, 2018

Featuring:
Brad Bru - Vocals and Guitar
John Szymanski - Bass and Keys
Packy Lundholm - Drums and Guitar Solo on "She Uses Public Transportation"
Patrick Martin - 2nd Guitar
Beth Lach - Voice and Walrus Noises

Engineered, mixed and mastered by John Szymanski.
Produced by Brad Bru and John Szymanski.

Photo by Oomphotography.

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Brad Bru & The Crowd Goes Wild Chicago, Illinois

This band brings together the richness of acoustic music, the charm of alt-country and the energy of melodic punk. Whether playing distorted power chords or fingerpicking crisply, the witty and relatable lyrics balance humor with darkness.

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